The other day, I was an extra in a film project. My husband has a speaking role, and someone I used to work with is the Director of Photography. Being an extra was a lot of fun, for a few reasons. First, the people working on this project are all very nice, and I got to hang out with them for 12 hours and chat between takes. Also, it was a very nice day and we were filming outside. The work that I had to do was not at all strenuous (filling in the background during a “reception” scene). I got to watch some very savvy and professional technical folks at work, first and foremost the DP, who is incredible at his job. But perhaps the most fun part of the experience, and the thing that I found most refreshing, was that I wasn’t in charge. I didn’t have to make any important decisions. I wasn’t at the center of any high stakes discussions. I just had to show up and do what I was told. I could put myself into the other folks’ hands and go along for the ride.
In most of what I do, I am the boss. I run the show. I make the decisions, and I have the responsibility as to whether something succeeds or fails. While I enjoy the autonomy and the decisionmaking power that come with being the boss and leading, there is something wonderful about not being in this role all of the time. Going along for the ride, like I did as an extra, is not something I regularly do in my life.
Now, of course, being someone who is accustomed to being in charge can make it difficult to cede control. I can find myself noting the ways that I would do things differently if I were in charge. The different decisions I would make, the different systems I would use, the different ways that things would be organized, etc. It’s very easy to be an armchair quarterback in such situations. But if I put myself fully into the role and let those in charge take control, I can let go in a very refreshing way.
It’s kind of like when I go to get a massage (which I do at least once a month). While I do have preferences (ticklish feet that should be avoided, a back injury that should be highlighted, and an area of tension that needs extra work), once the massage begins, I am quite literally in someone else’s hands. I might have feedback along the way (responses to the pressure, etc.), but the actual massage is up to somebody else. Somebody else is doing the work of the massage. Somebody else is managing the time. Somebody else is making the decisions about what to massage, when, and how. This adds other layers to the therapeutic aspects of the massage experience for me.
In many areas of my life, I simply am in charge, and I can’t step out of that role. This is particularly true in my job. But when I can step back and cede some control in other areas of my life, I need to encourage myself to do so. Letting somebody else worry about the big decisions, the organization, the systems, the operations, etc. can be therapeutic and very healthy, when it is appropriate. Even if I might do things differently.
