One of my students noted last week that she learns best when things are laid out for her very clearly, in a structured way. She admits that her learning style affects the way that she teaches. She teaches in the way that she needs to learn.
This is all well and good, and probably an unconscious tendency of most teachers. But this student of mine recognizes, thoughtfully, that her teaching style may not work for all of her students. Not everyone likes structure as much as she does. How can she develop an understanding of what kinds of approaches her students most need? How can she nurture the flexibility in her teaching so that she can give her students what they need from her in terms of her teaching style, rather than what she needs from a teacher? These are very important questions to ask, and graduate school is the perfect time to explore such questions (better put, to begin to explore them, since these questions don’t have easy answers and probably remain open for decades, if not one’s entire career.
As I think about my student’s questions, I am reminded of one of the “golden rules of relationships” that I developed when I was in college (at the time, I was stuck in a very unsatisfying relationship with a boyfriend from high school). The golden rule was: We Give What We Need. In other words, when we are in a relationship, we treat our partner in the ways that we wish to be treated. We show affection in the ways that we want affection shown to us. We care deeply in the ways that we want to be cared for. We listen in the ways that we want to be listened to. And so on. One of the big challenges of lasting love is to learn how to put aside our own needs when we are giving to our partners, and instead give what our partner needs. That is loving in its most true, authentic sense.
And giving our students what they need is teaching in its most true, authentic sense.
