As someone whose mind is usually racing with thoughts of what I’m doing, what needs to get done, plans I’m making, ideas I’m spinning, articles I’m writing, people I want to see… (well, you get the idea), I have always been skeptical about whether meditation can work for me.
About 10 years ago I took regular yoga classes that were taught by a friend of mine. She ended every class with a short meditation, and I had a hard time turning off my mind even during those short periods of time. I remember feeling out of place in those moments, unsure of how to handle the fact that my mind was racing when it was supposed to be quiet.
But part of me has always wondered whether meditation might be good for me. Maybe I would develop more appreciation for the world around me if I could firmly situate myself in the present. Maybe I would be less crazed. Maybe I would find the elusive life balance. These wonderings and the recommendations of folks I trust have launched my latest explorations of meditation.
Last night, I started using Jon Kabat-Zin’s CD, Mindfulness for Beginners. I am curious to see how this will work for me. I did notice my mind wandering. I started to wonder how much time had passed. I thought about some things that were coming up for me this week. I noticed how my body felt sitting on the floor, and the focus of my thoughts was no longer on my breath. But this time I didn’t feel out of place or worry about what I was supposed to do, since Kabat-Zin made it clear that I should not judge myself in this situation. I followed his advice, noticed what was happening, and brought myself gently back to the breath.
It’s going to take some time before I see any benefits from meditation. In the meantime, I am keeping an open mind and seeing where this leads me.
