Now that I have been meditating for a couple of weeks, I have started to notice a few things and gain some insights.
My internal experience of meditation is very much like my internal experience of making music in front of an audience. At some point during my studies at NEC back in the 90s (I think it was when I began working closely with Ran Blake as a private teacher), I developed the ability to focus very intensely on what I hear in my head as I sing. This deep concentration on a narrow field of awareness is very similar to the way that I have felt these last couple of weeks when I have meditated. I have focused my concentration on something different (my breathing, for example), but my experience of this focus has been very much like my experience of the focus I feel when I sing or play the piano.
This intense focus and concentration manifests differently for me than flow does. I also feel as though I am in a flow state at times when I perform music. But for me, flow is more than deep concentration and focus – it has to do with self-optimization and self-actualization. I am most authentically myself and am at my very best in moments of flow. I can’t say the same for every moment of intense focus and concentration.
The two sensations – meditative focus/intense concentration and flow – are certainly related to one another, but for me, they are not the same. Flow is more rare.
No wonder I love making music so much. It is good for me – my mind, my soul. This realization somehow makes me feel less feeble as a meditator. I already have a lot of practice and skill at meditation – just in a different context and in a slightly different way.
