Now that I have been meditating for a couple of weeks, I have started to notice a few things and gain some insights.
My internal experience of meditation is very much like my internal experience of making music in front of an audience. At some point during my studies at NEC back in the 90s (I think it was when I began working closely with Ran Blake as a private teacher), I developed the ability to focus very intensely on what I hear in my head as I sing. This deep concentration on a narrow field of awareness is very similar to the way that I have felt these last couple of weeks when I have meditated. I have focused my concentration on something different (my breathing, for example), but my experience of this focus has been very much like my experience of the focus I feel when I sing or play the piano.
This intense focus and concentration manifests differently for me than flow does. I also feel as though I am in a flow state at times when I perform music. But for me, flow is more than deep concentration and focus – it has to do with self-optimization and self-actualization. I am most authentically myself and am at my very best in moments of flow. I can’t say the same for every moment of intense focus and concentration.
The two sensations – meditative focus/intense concentration and flow – are certainly related to one another, but for me, they are not the same. Flow is more rare.
No wonder I love making music so much. It is good for me – my mind, my soul. This realization somehow makes me feel less feeble as a meditator. I already have a lot of practice and skill at meditation – just in a different context and in a slightly different way.
As someone whose mind is usually racing with thoughts of what I’m doing, what needs to get done, plans I’m making, ideas I’m spinning, articles I’m writing, people I want to see… (well, you get the idea), I have always been skeptical about whether meditation can work for me.
About 10 years ago I took regular yoga classes that were taught by a friend of mine. She ended every class with a short meditation, and I had a hard time turning off my mind even during those short periods of time. I remember feeling out of place in those moments, unsure of how to handle the fact that my mind was racing when it was supposed to be quiet.
But part of me has always wondered whether meditation might be good for me. Maybe I would develop more appreciation for the world around me if I could firmly situate myself in the present. Maybe I would be less crazed. Maybe I would find the elusive life balance. These wonderings and the recommendations of folks I trust have launched my latest explorations of meditation.
Last night, I started using Jon Kabat-Zin’s CD, Mindfulness for Beginners. I am curious to see how this will work for me. I did notice my mind wandering. I started to wonder how much time had passed. I thought about some things that were coming up for me this week. I noticed how my body felt sitting on the floor, and the focus of my thoughts was no longer on my breath. But this time I didn’t feel out of place or worry about what I was supposed to do, since Kabat-Zin made it clear that I should not judge myself in this situation. I followed his advice, noticed what was happening, and brought myself gently back to the breath.
It’s going to take some time before I see any benefits from meditation. In the meantime, I am keeping an open mind and seeing where this leads me.
I spent a good amount of time in southern Maine this summer – a weekend in Portland and a two-week vacation based in Old Orchard Beach. Here are some not-to-be-missed attractions in that area:
Portland boasts a one of a kind pampering experience in Soakology. Billed as a tea house and foot sanctuary, this is the place to go to feed your body and your soul. They have a large menu of teas and snacks, which you can enjoy while soaking your feet in hot, aromatic, sudsy water and having your feet or head, neck, and shoulders massaged. Their prices are reasonable, the staff is friendly and accommodating, and the atmosphere is relaxed and comfortable.
My favorite Portland restaurant is Silly’s, a funky, out of the way spot that serves fresh and creative cuisine to meet any palate or dietary needs. Their selection of vegan items (including desserts) is particularly impressive. Enjoy a milkshake (they make soy milkshakes, too) and a meal on their outdoor patio and you will soon discover why I make it a point to get to Silly’s every time I am in Portland.
Whatever your beach personality and preferences, Old Orchard Beach can offer it. If you like kitsch, station yourself near the Pier. If you prefer quiet, journey farther away from the crowds. The beach is clean, the water is reasonably warm for a Maine beach, and there’s even an amusement park if you want to satisfy your inner daredevil.
There are several golf courses within 15 minutes of Old Orchard Beach. My favorite from is Dunegrass Golf Club. The course is beautiful, set back in the woods. The greens are well maintained. The staff is friendly and helpful. The restaurant/bar at the clubhouse serves a large and varied menu in a casual atmosphere. Both I (an advanced beginner golfer) and my much better golfer husband were engaged and challenged by the course